Feelings

I feel like a big pile of manure. Figuratively speaking that is.

The crazy house

This is my schedule:

7 Get all kids up change diapers. Give LM and LP bottle.
7:30 clean up and fix breakfast for me, BAB, and LM
8 Eat breakfast with BAB and LM
8:30 give LP cereal
9 put LM down for nap
9:30 Put LP down for nap
10 mommy time with BAB
10:30 get snack for BAB and I
11 Give LM bottle
11:30 Give LP bottle
12 Get lunch around for BAB, LM and I
1 Put LP and BAB down for nap
1:30 Put LM down for nap
2 clean up kitchen and living room. Do other chores
2:30 Feed LP
3 mommy time with LP
3:30 Feed LM
4 Get snack for BAB
4:30 Put LP down for nap
5 Mommy time with LM
5:30 Get supper ready
6 feed the minions
6:30 clean up from supper
7 get LM ready for bed
7:30 Get LP ready for bed
8 Get BAB ready for bed
8:30 Dive into bed and sleep


*LP still wakes up around 5ish in the AM for a bottle as well

Diets Suck

Well, I am currently still on the no gluten diet. I actually love that. I do feel a ton better. I overloaded on gluten last Sunday and regretted it very much. But at least I know that the no gluten thing is working. However, I have now started a 1200 calorie diet. I hate it. But I will love it when I am 40 lbs. smaller. I lost weight before I had LM and that is when I got pregnant. I better uh.... make sure I do something hence I end up pregnant again. Anyway, this is the first day I actually made it through with out Oh Hecking it. I didn't quite make the 1200 calorie mark, but I got close enough. Tomorrow will be better.

In other news, Pilot is leaving me for 5 days to go back packing with my dad. I guess I should be happy that my husband and my dad get along. I'm not happy that he is going away when he could be here. I don't see him hardly enough as it is. *sigh*

LP's visits

They told me on Thursday that LP would start unsupervised visits. This really sucks. I love LP. I love her with all my heart. She is my daughter. I don't care if someone else carried her for 9 months. She is mine. But the state says 'No she's not. She is yours to love and bond with so that she may have a hope of having a normal life. But don't get attached. She really isn't yours.' I feel like I am sending my child into the lions den. I can rationalize. I can tell myself it will be ok. But it just doesn't cut it. I cried when they told me and I will cry when I leave her. This is the part I hate. This just sucks.

LM and the casse of the sleep trifecta

LM has not been sleeping well. She has what we call here the sleep trifecta. There are three reasons why LM suffers from this(hence the TRIfecta). 1.) She is learning to walk. Every waking moment, even in the middle of the night, she is up in her crib trying to walk. 2.) She is cutting a tooth. 3.) Pilot came home with a cold and so kindly gave it to her (and the other 2!). So not only can she not breath. She is desperately trying to learn to walk AND her gums hurt. It is a no wonder I get any sleep. In fact why am I not sleeping now you ask? Because I am eating cereal since I have time now that all kids are sleeping for the night. I am to tired to make anything decent. Good night all I will be up in a couple of hours.

Last night....

.......I was giving the babies their bath and doing there weekly primping and preening. Both the babies had cradle cap again so I was putting emoliant on their heads. I cut their finger nails and their toe nails. LP has in grown toe nails so was putting ointment on them. Cleaned their ears. After wards I got LP a bottle. Since the zantac doesn't help the spitting up, but seems to help the heartburn part I decided to try something different. Somebody told me to try probiotics and omega 369 oil in her bottle. So I bought the stuff and was putting her bottle together with all her stuff. It just kinda hit me at that moment that I was her mother. It doesn't matter that her birth certificate says otherwise. I take care of her. I love her. I am up with her when her acid reflux is bothering her. I look for answers when her acid reflux medicine isn't working. I clean her ears. I take care of her cradle cap. I cut her nails. I am her mother.

Emotional abuse

It happens. I witnessed it yesterday in the supermarket parking lot. I was walking in and heard a woman yelling in the next row over. She was verbally beratting this child that I could not see due to the cars. I couldn't help but hear every word she was saying since she was shouting so loud. "Shut up, I don't want to hear it. It was your fault to. You were hurting him too. You need to be nice." And that was the clean version. She used some nasty language and was saying it in a very cruel way. The farther I got down the way I was starting to get really steamed up. As I got to the end and she was parralel to me I had decided I was going to say something too her. I was alone and if she tried to harm me physically there was about 20 people watching her already. And words do not bother me. I looked over to see the child and she was merely 3 years old. She had on a ratty old white shirt that was ripped and barely on and a nasty dirty pair of shorts. Her red hair was just a snarly fro on her head. She didn't even look like she was even there. She was a hollow shell running beside her irate mother. I almost choked on a sob. Just as I was going to open my mouth someone from behind her yelled "Maybe you should be nice to her then." She looked around to see who yelled at her. When her eyes met mine I said " I didn't say it, but I sure wish I had." She just looked ahead and walked faster. Tears came to me eyes as I watched that poor little girl barely able to keep up with her mom. I sent up many prayers for that girl and still do. Its people like that mother that make me sick. There are people out there hurting so badly to have a baby. She makes me sick. I can't help but think what she does in the privacy of her home that she would do this outrage in public. Its sick. Just sick.

baby got your tail?

Isn't that how it goes? Oh yeah, cat got your tongue.... I don't think LP got the memo. I put LP in my bed to change her and get her ready for bed. I left her there while I hunted down some PJs. The cat, who is pretty docile with the babies unless they make a loud noise or pull her hair, was laying about a foot away from her. She lets them get close to her, but if the make afore mentioned offenses she will slowly walk away so they don't think she is leaving because of them yet just fast enough that they can't get her. Anyway, I came back to find the cat stretched out by LP. LP had the cats tail in her mouth sucking on it. After I gagged I took a picture. I couldn't help it. Then I took the tail out of her mouth and fished out the small hair ball left. Gagged again and put her pajamas on.

The mean nap lady reigns

I apparently got this title back when I was watching WEW full time. I watched him from about 2 months until about 18 months. I am advocate that babies and toddlers do not get enough sleep. So I made sure WEW got his sleep. Well the title stayed as I acquired BAB and now my two babies. Although I have laxed somewhat......

Well...... It is 5 o clock and BAB is taking her second nap for the day and the babies are taking there 3rd. I am actually impressed with my self. Although I do have to say that BAB sleeping was a mistake. She was testing me awful at about 4ish and I had enough. So I said you need to go to your ni ni for some time out. The next thing I know she was sleeping. Oh well. I guess she needed it. I will wake her up soon though because I do not want her up all night. I just hope that the babies sleep tonight because they have slept so much today! I guess if they sleep they need it right?

Boring

I don't know why, but today was the most boring day I've had in a while. I can't quite put my finger on why. It is an exceptionally nice day out. I think I am just devoid of all energy. LP has been keeping me awake all night the last couple of weeks. She will not eat cereal. I gave her some oatmeal last night, but she just puked it all up within a half in hour. *shrug* I think it is just her acid reflux. I will keep trying.

In other news, BAB seems to be hyper alot lately. Which does not bode well for my nerves. The lack of sleep and a hyper 2 year old only make for cranky over caffeinated moms.

In other other news, I started my celiacs diet today. I know I said I was going to start it last Sunday, but I didn't. So far it hasn't been to bad. I just have to make a few adjustments here and there. I have noticed that I am not getting filled up like I do with the wheat products. I don't know if it is in my head or not. I am guessing that it is. Since really all I am doing different is eating potatoes, rice, and corn pasta (instead of semolina). Athough it might have something to do with the fact that I am a carb queen and I have not been eating those carbs.

Who Knew

I took LP to the doctor Wednesday for her regular well baby visit. She has been spitting up alot lately. I mean probably half her bottle. So they decided to do an Upper GI this morning. Which was interesting. They made her drink a bottle of barium dye and watch it as it went down. I told the nice techy guy that she would not drink it. He said 'well, we will see, we have never had a problem before. You will be surprised.' I said ok. *roll eyes* So time comes for her to drink it. She gags, she spits it out. They were like 'wow, I've never seen that.' Hmmmmmm....... Anyway, Everything was good though. But the funny thing is, we have been giving her zantac to counter act the acid reflux. The last time she took it was Wednesday morning. Almost all day Friday and Most of the time today she hardly even spit up. Interesting. It could be a fluke. But maybe she was having a reaction to the zantac. Well, we will just have to wait and see.


In other news, my dog was never gone. That night at about 11pm my mother calls me. (We moved basically across the street from them.) She says 'Did you find Sheila?' At which I was quite confused since I never called and told her she was missing and I had previously been sleeping. She continued after a brief silence from my end as I was trying to think ' She came down to our house while you were gone so we brought her back. We put her in the 3 seasons room so she wouldn't follow us.' She never even barked or anything to be let out! She is such a good doggy!

Missing

My dog is missing. She is always here when I get home. She guards my house while I'm gone. Believe me, I've had first hand witnesses! But when I came back today she was gone. I hope she comes back. She is a good dog! I want her back! BAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Hold on to your socks....

It is 7:00pm and all my babies are sleeping or in bed. I am shocked. I might even cry. Tears of joy, that is. My cat, who only comes out when the babies are sleeping, is wandering around befuddled. She is meowing and looking around cautiously like a baby is going to come around the corner and pull her whiskers out. (Not that I would let any of my babies do that) It is kinda funny.
In other news, I am going to go on the celiacs diet starting Sunday. My friend was recently diagnosed with it. So I have been looking into it. I thought maybe I would give it a try and see if it helps. I guess 1 out of 133 people have it. And 3 out of 4 of those people are undiagnosed. Which now that I think about it.... how do 'those' people know that 1 out of 133 people have it if 75 % of the 1 out 133 people are undiagnosed? I'm so confused. I think I need to get my facts straight........