Saturday, August 11, 2007

Memories of my Saving Grace

I was giddy as a school girl in the back seat if the car. We were going to get my dog. Later looking back was destined. I looked at all the puppies wiggling around. They were part Cocker Spaniel and Lab. Some looked like a Lab and some were more like a Spaniel. I picked one that was spunky and wild. She was a wiggly in my arms as I took her to my car. I let her down and she immediately ran back to the barn. I turned around frowning and saw another little wiggler. She was coming up to me with tail wagging and mouth smiling as only a dog can. I new she was mine. She picked me. And I fell in love with her immediately. She slept with me every night. I would wake up with no blankets because she had made her little nest of them down at the end. I would let her be and freeze my buns off because I didn't want to disturb her. She was spoiled. She was mine.

My childhood and teen years were filled with tears and pain. She was always there for me. She would lick my tears and stay by me. She was my companion to which I told my darkest secrets. She just listened with out judging me. She never once made me feel terrible for my mistakes. Whenever I got mad at her she always loved me back anyways. She never held a grudge.
She was always happy to see me after school. I would pretend I was sick just to come home and be with her. She always made me feel better. She had this way of putting her muzzle under my chin. It was her way of hugging me. She would lean into me and put her muzzle in my neck. We would sit and watch TV or movies like that.

Years later my future husband started coming around. When new people would come around it would take her weeks sometimes to decide if she liked them. When my future husband started caming around she went and sat on his lap immediately as if to say '"This is the one I know it". She was right. He was and always will be.

We married and moved out of state and could not bring her. I was gone a year and missed her terribly. When we finally moved back she came to live with us. Because of Pilot's work making him be gone alot of nights she became very protective of me. She always stood by me when strangers came by. She would always read my body language. She new when I wasn't comfortable. She would sit in front of me always touching me to make sure I was ok. I think she knew I'd sit there forever talking and didn't want me to leave with out her! One time I got really sick while Pilot was gone. She never left my side Except to run out and pee. We spent 2 days like that until I fianlly called my mom. When she came to pick me up she was pretty excited. She knew help was there. My parents took me back to there house with Sammy. She still did not leave my side. Everytime I moved she would wake from a dead sleep and look anxiously at me. I finally started feeling better and she finally started leaving me a little bit at a time. I knew she was my angel.

When I was having problems with infertility she was always there. She listened to my woes and always made me feel loved. I would cry into her shoulder while she waited for me to finish. Again she never judged me for the horrible things I said. She loved me as I was. I didn't have to be in a good mood or pretend like I cared about anybody but myself. She just simply loved me. She had started having seizures when I was in highschool. The vet said there wasn't much we could do. She only had them a few times a year. I cried for hours after the first one. I thought she was dieing. I eventually got used to them. One day she started falling down and panting alot. I think that she had a stroke. She must have had several in a 2 day span. We thought she was dieing. Pilot had to carry her out to potty and carry her back in. He put a little bed together on our bed for the night because I did not think she was going to make it that night. She hadn't ate in 2 days or drank. I gave her a asprin in a turkey roll which she actually took for me. I walked out of the room to do something quick about a half hour later, before I went to bed. She slid of the side and waltzed right on passed Pilot and I like she had been walking for days. She seemed to say "HA think you could get rid of me!" Pilot and I just stared in disbelief. Years later the same think happened. But again she made it through. Tough old bird she was. She had also devolped arthritis any years ago. She could hardly make it up our steps anymore.

She turned 14 years old on Feb. 11, 2007. We thought she would live forever. She had stopped eating her hard dog food. I was buying her canned dog food just so she would eat. One day she just stopped eating all together. She did not seem to be suffering and I could not take her to her death. We waited for a sign but one never came. She died on June 29, 2007.

Looking back she had stopped eating about a month after I found out I was pregnant. She was ready to leave this world now that she new I was through my worst. She knew it would be alright for me from here on out. She suffered through arthritis and strokes for many a year for me. She knew the right time to leave me.
She got me through the toughest parts of my life. I will never forget you Sammy. You were my angel in doggy form. I will always love you.

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